Dieting...

After Nate proposed I really felt motivated to get back in shape because, yes, I'm slightly vain and want everyone to look at me in awe as I walk down the aisle. I know that sounds really narcisistic, but it's the truth and if I can't be honest with myself I can't be honest with anyone. I've been really frustrated with how much weight I gained while I was pregnant since I had Cadence. For whatever reason, I expected it all to just slowly melt away. Instead, as I sat around with Cadence for the first 3 months after she was born, I just got fatter. It didn't get better from there, I've only gained weight since. It's my own fault really, I haven't made an attempt to lose any weight or stop gaining it. Something's gotta give, and I think it finally did.

So anyway, I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a book on counting quality calories (essentially it makes you feel bad for loving all the foods you do) and a diet journal. I'm an organized person so I figured tracking my calorie intake and calories burned each day would be an 'organized' way to lose the weight. Plus, it gives me a visual. I can count up my calories at the end of each day and go 'WOW! I did really awesome today!'... or 'Ugh! I did really crappy today...' Either way, I figured it was a good way for ME to start this whole weight loss regimen. I also started working out everyday for 30 minutes... okay not everyday, Tuesday-Friday. I have Saturday-Monday off and for whatever reason it's a lot more difficult for me to get to the gym when I have nothing better to do than when I'm running around all over from work, to Paula's, to home, to school... makes sense right??? I've done really well with the working out though. I'm at the end of three weeks and have only missed one Thursday, but I made up for it (sort of) by working out for an hour the following Friday... I dunno if that really counts, but it made me feel less guilty. Did I mention that I hate working out? Anything that makes me sweat, I avoid. So, yeah working out is on the top of my list of things I don't do. It makes me sweaty, achy, tired, crabby and annoyed (all of which I hate). Me + working out = poor disposition. Really though, feel sorry for Nate not me.

I have to admit... I also hate counting calories. It's a lot of work and I'm sort of lazy. I haven't written in that stupid journal since last week... and I don't think I'm going to again. That doesn't mean I'm not still trying to eat right! I look up calorie contents in the little, evil book and feel really bad when I pasta. I also read the backs of packages like a mad woman... it seriously took me 10 minutes to pick out juice the other day at 7-11 (you wouldn't BELIEVE how many calories are in 16 oz of apple juice!) I left with water. I quit drinking soda over a month ago, even before this all started. Okay I had like two last week... but I hadn't had one in about 4 weeks, that's a huge accomplishment for me since I used to have one a day! I drink about two gallons of water a day and pee every hour on the hour (brings back memories of being pregnant...) I've been trying my best to eat well... it's really hard at times especially since Nate about gags every time I cook a vegetable. I've drastically cut down on eating out, when we do we go to Subway and I actually go for the veggie sandwich instead of the meatball. The other day, I turned into McDonalds and turned right back around and left. That's not to say I haven't broken down and had the occasional jalapeno chicken sandwich from Carl's Jr. (my favorite) but I paid for it that night as I sat down to a liquid dinner (yeah... water) .



Anyway... I haven't stuck to a 'diet' for this long since... never. I've never stuck to a diet/workout, period. It's definitely hard, hard to find the will to get to the gym and hard to resist that cheeseburger and fries calling my name. I have my moments when I start to wonder why I even care, people should appreciate me for who I am not how I look. Until, of course, I remember how depressing it is to go clothes shopping (something I used to love). I also remember that we're getting married next October, and that spurs me right into action again (remember the vain comment at the top?). I really wish the weight came off as easily as it went on, don't we all though? If it did, we'd all be skinny and I wouldn't have to write blogs. But I just hope that I'll look back a year and a half from now (on our wedding day : ) and be impressed with myself and my new ROCKIN' BOD! Oh please Lord! I don't need to be super model thin, I just want to look better than all my bridesmaids... haha I'm KIDDING! Sort of...

Toddler warning signs?

I subscribe to babycenter.com and they send me weekly updates on Cadence's development along with plenty of diaper coupons and links to baby boutiques which no one, besides Brangelina, can afford. Sometimes these e-mails are really fun to read and help me to realize that I'm definitely not alone in the insanity that is "Toddler Land," yet, other times they make me worry myself mad, like the one I recently received. This particular e-mail included the 10 red flags for motor development in toddlers, needless to say motor development diseases are in every mother's top 5 scariest-things-that-could-happen-to-my-child list. I almost can't imagine anything worse than seeing our daughter experience a life with one of these diseases, but unfortunately, my mind was definitely not at ease after I read the list of 'red flags'. They included the following:

-Child's motor skills are regressing
-Child's limbs seem stiff
-Child's muscles seem floppy and loose
-Child doesn't walk yet
-Child is walking on her toes
-Child favors one hand or side of her body
-Child seems very clumsy
-Child is constantly moving
-Child has trouble grasping and manipulating objects
-Child drools and has difficulty eating

Definitely, I understand that if Cadence's limbs seemed stiff or her muscles seem 'floppy and loose' I should be concerned... but the rest of these seem like perfect descriptions of your typical toddler (to a certain age). Late walkers are fairly common, Cadence wasn't one of them, but some kids don't start until they're 18 months old. However, she definitely walks on her toes sometimes... when she's ticked off and trying to reach the lipstick that I just took from her and placed on the counter. She also tends to favor one side of her body as she pivots on one foot to spin circles and yell, "Whooooaaa, whooooaaa, whoooaaa, whoooaaa!" AND YES! She is constantly moving! That girl never STOPS moving, it's go go go go go! In fact we've recently learned that word... as in "GO! MOM!" On that note, she's also very clumsy. She walks along perfectly until those darn carpet fibers get in her way. Bumps and bruises aren't new to us, and FYI cushioned ottomans don't break falls any better than a regular coffee table. She also has difficulty manipulating and grasping objects... hence the frequently dropped pacis behind the changing station and crib along with her ability to say "UH OH!" since she was about 11 months old and even better than she says "Momma" and "Dadda." Finally, she does drool everywhere, A LOT. I would too if I had seven teeth trying to cut through my gums all at once and parents who keep me doped up on Motrin and teether tablets! Really, it's for her sanity and ours... Not only that but yes, she still has difficulty eating. Oh, she tries sooo hard to feed herself with a spoon... but she does a better job feeding the cat! Although I have to admit... I spill on myself at least once a meal. So, I guess the toddler I thought was 'normal' actually has both quantative and qualitive motor disorders. WHOOOOA! But hold on there, the e-mail also says that it can be difficult to determine if these 'signs' are just little quirks or actual problems... usually there's no cause for alarm... but when your child goes to put a block on a table and misses it may be a sign of epilepsy... but seriously don't worry most of the time these things are normal... yet if your child talks and moves around a lot it may be a sign of ADHD... no really though don't fret... too much. We all grew up wondering why our mothers were so crazy... now that I'M a mother... I know why. I know that Cadence is a perfectly healthy, wonderfully crazy little girl, but I can't help the urge to call the doctor every time I read a new article. Sometimes I think that it might be better to unsubscribe to babycenter and simply not know. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.

Thanks for reading,
Jae