Dieting...

After Nate proposed I really felt motivated to get back in shape because, yes, I'm slightly vain and want everyone to look at me in awe as I walk down the aisle. I know that sounds really narcisistic, but it's the truth and if I can't be honest with myself I can't be honest with anyone. I've been really frustrated with how much weight I gained while I was pregnant since I had Cadence. For whatever reason, I expected it all to just slowly melt away. Instead, as I sat around with Cadence for the first 3 months after she was born, I just got fatter. It didn't get better from there, I've only gained weight since. It's my own fault really, I haven't made an attempt to lose any weight or stop gaining it. Something's gotta give, and I think it finally did.

So anyway, I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a book on counting quality calories (essentially it makes you feel bad for loving all the foods you do) and a diet journal. I'm an organized person so I figured tracking my calorie intake and calories burned each day would be an 'organized' way to lose the weight. Plus, it gives me a visual. I can count up my calories at the end of each day and go 'WOW! I did really awesome today!'... or 'Ugh! I did really crappy today...' Either way, I figured it was a good way for ME to start this whole weight loss regimen. I also started working out everyday for 30 minutes... okay not everyday, Tuesday-Friday. I have Saturday-Monday off and for whatever reason it's a lot more difficult for me to get to the gym when I have nothing better to do than when I'm running around all over from work, to Paula's, to home, to school... makes sense right??? I've done really well with the working out though. I'm at the end of three weeks and have only missed one Thursday, but I made up for it (sort of) by working out for an hour the following Friday... I dunno if that really counts, but it made me feel less guilty. Did I mention that I hate working out? Anything that makes me sweat, I avoid. So, yeah working out is on the top of my list of things I don't do. It makes me sweaty, achy, tired, crabby and annoyed (all of which I hate). Me + working out = poor disposition. Really though, feel sorry for Nate not me.

I have to admit... I also hate counting calories. It's a lot of work and I'm sort of lazy. I haven't written in that stupid journal since last week... and I don't think I'm going to again. That doesn't mean I'm not still trying to eat right! I look up calorie contents in the little, evil book and feel really bad when I pasta. I also read the backs of packages like a mad woman... it seriously took me 10 minutes to pick out juice the other day at 7-11 (you wouldn't BELIEVE how many calories are in 16 oz of apple juice!) I left with water. I quit drinking soda over a month ago, even before this all started. Okay I had like two last week... but I hadn't had one in about 4 weeks, that's a huge accomplishment for me since I used to have one a day! I drink about two gallons of water a day and pee every hour on the hour (brings back memories of being pregnant...) I've been trying my best to eat well... it's really hard at times especially since Nate about gags every time I cook a vegetable. I've drastically cut down on eating out, when we do we go to Subway and I actually go for the veggie sandwich instead of the meatball. The other day, I turned into McDonalds and turned right back around and left. That's not to say I haven't broken down and had the occasional jalapeno chicken sandwich from Carl's Jr. (my favorite) but I paid for it that night as I sat down to a liquid dinner (yeah... water) .



Anyway... I haven't stuck to a 'diet' for this long since... never. I've never stuck to a diet/workout, period. It's definitely hard, hard to find the will to get to the gym and hard to resist that cheeseburger and fries calling my name. I have my moments when I start to wonder why I even care, people should appreciate me for who I am not how I look. Until, of course, I remember how depressing it is to go clothes shopping (something I used to love). I also remember that we're getting married next October, and that spurs me right into action again (remember the vain comment at the top?). I really wish the weight came off as easily as it went on, don't we all though? If it did, we'd all be skinny and I wouldn't have to write blogs. But I just hope that I'll look back a year and a half from now (on our wedding day : ) and be impressed with myself and my new ROCKIN' BOD! Oh please Lord! I don't need to be super model thin, I just want to look better than all my bridesmaids... haha I'm KIDDING! Sort of...